Armie Hammer Says He Tried a Gay Hookup... Only for it to Fizzle

Armie Hammer didn't go off half-cocked when he decided to give a gay Grindr hookup a whirl.

"The 38-year-old 'Call Me by Your Name' star, who fell from grace after facing allegations of sexual assault, rape and cannibalistic fantasies, shared his confession while talking about bisexuality on the latest episode of his podcast, 'Armie HammerTime,' which dropped Sunday [March 2]," the New York Post reported.

Calling the misfire "hilarious," Hammer explained his reasoning for giving Grindr a try.

"You know what, like, women are the worst," he said on the podcast; "like, gay dudes seem to have it so easy" – a sentiment gay men may well have heard from frustrated straight friends.

He got his opportunity to test that theory soon enough.

"I'm at a restaurant, my phone blows up and it's like Grindr, and like someone else is like, 'I'm at the same restaurant. Do you want a blowjob in the bathroom?'" the "On the Basis of Sex" actor recounted, the Post detailed. The article described his response to the invitation as promptly telling the friends he was with, "Hey, guys, I'll be back in five minutes."

The upshot: "I met this dude. Handsome. French.... I was like, 'Okay, this could work. This could work. Yeah. Let's try this.'"

But visions of a carefree quickie evaporated faster than Hammer might have thought the anticipated hookup would transpire.

"I remember I started making out with him," recalled the star of "The Social Network," "and I just remember being like, 'God! Beards! Oh I get why women like it when you shave!'"

Another turn-off: the guy's size. He was not demure.

"I remember I put my arms around him and I was like, 'Oh my God! And these shoulders are so wide! He's so big! He's almost my height. Like, this is so strange.'"

But was it hot, at least? No such luck. Though Hammer had a hit when he played a 20-something grad student opposite Timothée Chalamet's inexperienced American guy in Luca Guadagnino's "Call Me By Your Name," in real life the steam factor was more like a wet rag.

Hammer described his level of arousal as being "Nothing, like, not even a twitch." That led him to cut things off when his French connection tried to take hold of his privates.

"You're not going to touch my flaccid penis," Hammer described his response. "Like, this is not going to happen, I'm sorry."

Hammer "very publicly fell from grace in 2021 when a series of disturbing allegations were made against him by multiple women, who accused him of violent abuse and harboring cannibalism fantasies," UK newspaper the Daily Mail recalled.

"He was investigated by the LAPD in 2023 but ultimately not charged."

Ironically, it was Hammer's "Call Me By Your Name" co-star, Timothée Chalamet, who went on to make the film "Bones and All" with director Luca Guadagnino – a drama about two cannibals who find one another and fall in love.

Watch the episode of "Armie HammerTime" below.